Tears were streaming down my face, creating a foolish river with no clear start or end. I thought to myself: why am I sad? I paused. Listened. I couldn't hear. I couldn't feel anything in my body. Nothing. My cells were numb, silent. Empty.
I was crying from a place of emptiness. A void in the heart was pouring out as water, leaving every hole vulnerable and weak. I found myself swimming in this ocean I had just created from nowhere, and, almost delusional, I started laughing at the controversy of life.
I am happy, but at that moment I was crumbling down like a paper town hit by the rain. I thought for a second: something must be wrong. Nothing was. Just a moment of despair disguised as silence. And I was so empty. Happy, yet so empty.
How funny. How funny is it that we have the power to feel, and create. How funny is it that we often just hide in the comfort of sadness, of happiness, of love. Not allowing ourselves to explore, to challenge our minds, and be fuelled.
Feeling like you lost your soul, like you drifted away from your fingertips, is not loosing a war. It's exploring other battlegrounds.