What Hawaii Has Taught Me...


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I wanted this post to give you a somewhat update on my life. Right before I moved to Hawaii, I wrote a few blogs posts that were very raw. I poured my heart out onto the pages and you all responded with love. I had never felt so connected, this coming from someone who is still struggling with connecting with people. It was a beautiful experience and I felt cleansed in a way, free of all the negative energy that had been dwelling deep inside me, growing but never leaving. In that moment, I knew that writing was no longer my hobby, but my savior. I fought my fears with the keyboard, the pages of my journal and a pen.

 

When I arrived on island I felt myself withdraw from social media. It went from inspiring me, to running my life. I still believed in the power of social media, and the wonderful way it can connect us, but I just needed a break in order to get back to why I started in the first place. Instagram is just a creative outlet, it only portrays about 10% (maybe not even) of my real life. This blog was created to show you other parts of my life, things I struggle with. Real parts of me, so that maybe you can see yourself through me, through my words. When I left social media I forgot what I was writing for. I got so caught up in writing for an audience I stopped writing all together. Since I got here, so much has happened. Good and bad. This island has tested me many times already and there has been no creative outlet for me to release all of it and I just knew writing was missing. So here I am again, releasing everything.

 

The first thing Hawaii has taught me is we don't actually need all the things we think we do. Most things we claim to be “necessities” of life are actually just desires or privileges of living in the Western world. Most communities have everything we need in them and we don't actually need a vehicle. Even if the closest store is 30 to 45 minutes away walking, that's completely doable. We just don't want to walk 30 to 45 minutes to the store, which may be understandable but still doesn't make a car a necessity. When I first moved here I was forced for the first time to grocery shop and make it home with all the bags balancing on my bicycle handlebars. I walked 30 minutes to work, cursing the sun for the first time because it was making me overheat in my work clothes. One of my days off I was bored and didn't want to be home so I walked for 4 hours straight, with no real destination at all, just pure exploration. I now own a beat up little car that gets me around the island when I have somewhere I want to go, and it's a gem to me. I appreciate it so much more than I ever did when I had a car on the mainland.

 

Another thing it has taught me is we control everything that happens to us. This was hard for me to understand because I had always treated my problems as if they were something life was just doing to me and I had no choice in the matter. Something doesn't really become a problem unless we allow it to be. Life will constantly throw us different moments, and our reactions to those moments are what causes them to be good or bad. We can learn to control our reactions and how we choose to look at each moment. I stopped attaching “good” and “bad” to the things that were happening to me and instead started calling them lessons. I am now learning something from each moment in my life. I stopped labeling myself as well, and began to ask myself things like “Do you have depression, or does depression have you? Do you have anxiety or does anxiety have you? Before you react badly to this situation, did you cause it, and do you have the power to end it positively?” Things may happen out of our control but we can ALWAYS control how we react to it. After really practicing it, it gets so much easier with time. I am still learning.

 

Relationships of every kind take work. The most important relationship that needs to be handled first is the relationship we have with ourselves. Self love is the key to everything. The island can seem to isolate you in the beginning, your family is halfway across the world, all the friends you've made in your past are just as far, and you're left to just be with you. My first step was dealing with that isolation, spiritual growth is messy. Before being awakened yourself you may see it as this end to all suffering, this path of enlightenment that's filled with love, peace and understanding. Beauty from there on out. No. Spiritual and personal growth is messy. You meet yourself in a place you never thought you would, all of your issues are laid out for you and you feel them one by one. But then, you release them, and you forgive yourself. This is freedom. This is breaking the chains that you didn't even know you had. It's so wondrous, but not at all easy. All of this letting go and forgiving allows you to truly accept and love yourself for exactly who you are and where you are in this moment. Flaws and all. In doing this I could move onto my personal relationships with others. I am still working on all of this so instead of saying “I learned..” let's go with “I'm learning...”. I am learning how to listen to others with an open heart, and open mind, free of judgment. I am learning how to branch out and open myself up to people so that I can have a chance at good quality relationships. I am learning how to stop using my label I gave myself as an introvert as an excuse not to get out and meet friends. I am learning how to build a romantic relationship and a great friendship all in one with my significant other. I am learning how to balance time working on myself and time spent with my partner. I am breaking down walls, even if it's brick by brick and a not at all a quick process.

 

I have learned so much more in the time that I have spent here, but these are a few things I have found to be huge transformations in my life. I need to write. I crave to write. This is such a good outlet for me and I plan to share more and more on these pages.

 

If this never gets published or put out there by me, or read by anyone,

 

Dear me: I love you.

 

If 2 people read this...if a million people read this,

 

Dear all of you: I love you. Thank you for supporting my art & my heart.

 

Kindra Rae

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Love Yourself and You'll Never Be Lonely


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Loneliness is that secret emotion that everyone feels but nobody talks about.

Loneliness is that demon whispering in your ear that the world is superior to you.

It’s that voice that says, you might as well give up now.

That voice telling you that you aren’t good enough.

Making you feel as if your life is tainted with failure and deficiency.

And why would you seek out attainment when this cold world has convinced you of your inability to be tenacious?

Because this world is wrong and full of it’s own insecurities. And what is better than proving that someone is inaccurate about the harmful thing’s they have said about you?

You’ve got to wake up on Monday morning and decide it’s not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

You’ve got to stand outside in the cold and resolve your issues with the chilling winter. Appreciate how the icicles glisten off the roofs of the houses or how the untouched snow is like a beautiful white comforter over the earth.

You’ve got to forgive that person who hurt you almost a year ago and realize we’re all on a journey.

Take a whole day to do absolutely nothing, pull out those video games you played with your big brother when you were 7, before innocence was snatched from your puny fingertips.

Wake up at 6 am for no reason just to call your mom before the day has started to tell her you love her.

Most importantly, fall in love with yourself. Take yourself places you’ve never been and get to know yourself. Find the little things that make your heart skip, like the colors of all the trees before they relinquish life before winter, reminding you that all things change.

Tell corny jokes you made up yourself and then learn to laugh at them, even when no one else does.

Some days you won’t be okay, and sometimes you’ll need to cry. That’s okay. You put your favorite sad song on lock yourself in your room and you let the tears fall. But don’t stop loving yourself.

If you get to know yourself, if you climb into your heart and find out all the little things that make it tick, then you can never be lonely. You will have beaten all the torn souls trying to rip you apart, and then it’s all worth it.

Love yourself.

@Kindrainwonderland

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Source: http://kindrarae.com