Why Do You Travel? A Dialogue With Myself


When I first moved from my parents’ place, I was actually running away, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself. Away from a place I didn’t like, from bad memories I had there, from a family that didn’t understand me. But it’s much later that I realized it, through self-reflection.  

I felt into this trap again recently. I ran away from a place where I had had a very painful memory that my mind couldn't let go off. There was other factors that made me want to leave, but nothing unbearable. I just felt this urgent need and took this spontaneous decision in a few weeks and left. I moved to another country again for a few months. I was enjoying the place there, traveling and living a new experience, but something felt wrong and I had a lot of time to think… and self-reflect. Today I’m realizing that most of my travels where some kind of escape from a reality I wasn’t happy about. Running away from myself. I didn’t appreciate myself and thought ”in a totally new place, you can be someone totally new”.

But the truth is, there’s no escape from your own mind. Wherever you go, it travels with you. There’s no escape from yourself. If you do it for bad reasons, traveling can be an endless vicious circle. You cannot spend your whole life running away. Perhaps some people do, but they never find happiness. 

I have a long-term solo trip to Asia planned soon. Obviously, I need to make things clear with myself. 

-       Why do you travel ?

I travel to see the world. To meet its people. To experience. To learn.

-       But why?

To LIVE, to feel alive. To feel richer inside. To have incredible stories to tell my grand-children and adventures to remember always. To find love. And I don’t mean love as in a person. I mean love as infinite and unconditional. Feeling in harmony with my soul.

-       So why, finally?

To be happy.

-       But why can’t you be happy at home?

Home? You mean the place where I grew up? It’s not a place where I have ever felt really happy. Perhaps this is why I travel: to find home. To me, home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.

-       You are contradicting yourself. You agree that home isn’t a place but a feeling, yet you keep moving and looking for it in different places. If home is a feeling, that means you can find it in the place where you grew up or where you are now. 

You’ve got a point. I travel to find something that is already in me. Yet, I feel most happy when I’m getting to know other cultures, traditions and people, and this is something that I can only experience while traveling. 

-       And that is a great experience, but what about getting to know yourself? Because if you rely on external experiences to make you happy, you will always be frustrated in the end. Everything in this world is temporary. You count on traveling, on experiences, on others, on little things, but they don’t last, as much as you repeat them. You must find your "home" inside. How? By finding love in yourself. How? By loving yourself. You are the only person that you will need to bear all your life. Your own company is precious and irremplacable. You must build « home » in yourself. It doesn’t have to be walls, but a strong base for stability and a solid roof for protection. How? By taking care of your body and mind. By spending time on your own and learning to appreciate it. By practising non-judgement, trust and patience towards yourself. By realizing self-love is your most important material to build that home feeling inside. Your body is a temple that needs to be honoured and your mind is a miracle because it is awareness. Celebrate them for they are your first home. Love your home. If you travel, travel to love your home.

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You Will Be Okay


Dear Everyone,

Believe it or not, you will be okay. Nothing lasts forever. This pain will leave. One day, you will be okay.
You will wake up one morning and realize that you didn’t cry yourself to sleep the night before. You will be driving while listening to your favorite playlist and realize that you overcame the fear of driving.
Someday, you will be laughing with your family or friends and realize, in the middle of that moment, that you got through the weeks where you thought you would never laugh again. Your head ached and your heart hurt during those weeks but now your stomach is the only thing aching and it’s because you can’t stop laughing.
You will be happy someday. You will be eating a meal with your favorite people and having a good time talking with the people you love most and the realization that you overcame your eating disorder will overwhelm you and you will feel filled with strength you never thought you had.
You will be talking to somebody and enjoying the conversation you are having when you realize that you used to tremble with fear anytime you had a social interaction with anyone. Eventually, you will be okay.
You might be sitting in class raising your head every couple of minutes because you finally understand a concept that you couldn’t think about without panicking a few weeks ago and you will be overwhelmed with confidence in yourself.
Maybe you will post a picture to Instagram of you at the gym and realize that you once couldn’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror and now you are confident in what you look like because you are strong and your body is capable of much more than just looking good. You will have new found confidence in yourself because you finally made the realization that if you work on yourself and feel good and happy on the inside, you will be beautiful no matter what you look like on the outside.
You will finally understand that looks aren’t everything and so you will spend time working on your character more than you used to spend obsessing over your jeans size.  
One day, you will smile for the camera instead of covering your face and turning away.
You will learn to live in the moment rather than fearing for the next one.
The future won’t seem as scary and uncertainty will not be your enemy anymore.
You’ll learn to love and accept change as it comes. You’ll find yourself enjoying the changes in your life.
You will let go.
You won’t feel the need to have everything under your control anymore.
You will learn how to let go of things that you have held on to for as long as you can remember and because of this, you will feel free.
You will keep changing and growing and eventually, you will be okay. 

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broken (the journey to survival)


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the stories my body tell are shaped with lies that left my bones deaf. blind in a world where light is supposed to guide you. mute in a place where words are the spear to survival. disarmed by trust. left damaged in the corner of a room, one that was cold but that i began to call home because i was too scared to leave. leave, to the uncertainty of life where other monsters awaited with their knives high. pointing at me.

but in this room at least i knew my monster and i could predict every attack, every bruise. i learned to lick my own blood from the wounds that he left, but forgot to cleanse my heart, so now it lies there, rotten. rotten and caged in my chest. cursed by the distorted thoughts i left unattended for too long. and now what? the room is empty and there's no monster, no heart. i'm deaf from the shouts of those who once cared. so ashamed i tremble in shock as i walk outside and the guns are down. but i'm cold, and alone, and i wonder if i will ever find another room where my wounds can become scars, and my scars tattoos. tattoos that speak about my story louder than my voice. a voice that i lost. long ago. 

when i believed in a love that wasn't love at all. 

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Chaotic world


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We live in a chaotic and inequitable world, where there are no rules.

Why are some people rich and others poor?

Why can some people live in peace and others have to clear off from their countries?

I'm not surprised people are giving up and stop believing in love and kindness. But we have to constantly fight. We have to send good deeds into this place. Our home.

Maybe nobody will see it, nobody will appreciate it. But our actions are somewhere in this chaos, because we are part of it. We are full of danger and vexation. But we are also full of love. Because I am love. You are love. WE are chaotic love.

Love you

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freedom within


there's a hole in my heart

and i can't find it.

it's empty. hidden behind a wall that continues growing, far from me, high within me. a wall of fantasy, where an alternative universe awaits me. 

but i'm scared. do i want to keep running? do i want to collide with the wall and fall in the hole of nightmares? is darkness my friend? who am i? 

and as i run towards the wall, as my blood mixes with the concrete... we explode. darkness comes sooner than expected and i'm far from the wall again... but there's no wall anymore. i'm on my own, like i've always been. 

my heart is full now. cured from the sickness of the lies i was telling myself. and i start to root and bloom like a flower in the middle of spring. pinks and red surround me as i dance, and i become one with the Earth that has given me a home and strength to carry on. 

and just as i start to smell the freshness of the leaves, i see the wall come towards me. 

the wall now has a name. it's no longer standing in my way, but it's holding my hand, it's breathing with me. the wall is me. 

so now we walk together. the wall and i. we are one. 

the wall is freedom.

i am free.  

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The World


The world will be my office.

Rather than working at a desk, sending out emails and typing up progress reports, I will dance around the world, meeting new souls.

I will substitute sending emails with sending letters home and typing progress reports with typing stories and truths of the places I’ve been.

I will meet others and they will not all be dressed in business attire. Some will wear a sari and others will wear a shalwar kameez.

I will meet others who are familiar with food that I have never even seen.

I want the world to be my office so that rather than sitting through business meetings I can ask people to tell me their stories and turn them into poetry.

By sitting in an office every day, it is challenging to touch souls of all kinds.

That is why I need to travel the world.

I crave to touch souls who I do not yet know.

I will learn new languages so there will not be barriers between these other wonderful humans and me. I will go everywhere and love everyone.

The world will be my office. 

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START LIVING YOUR PURPOSE


Hello. I want to tell you...

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I wholeheartedly believe that every single creature on this earth got offered this life for a reason. 

I believe that me, you and everyone else out there is here for a specific task or lesson. 

I believe that everyone is worth the best and has the birthright to be happy and free. 

But sadly, every single day I witness people giving away their potential, pushing themselves down, losing themselves or drowning their inner drive and light, because they let fear, doubts and negative feelings take over their life and control their ability to live their passions, dreams and strenghts. 

They decide to cancel their dreams and work against their true self, because someone told them to, because our minds got programmed and structured to think a certain way, to only believe in one reality and be controlled by society's standards of fear and uncertainty.  We become victims of our own mind structures because we stop questioning what we are told and only believe in this one way of receiving the world. 

At some point in life, most of us end up at the same point we have seen many people reach before. (Our parents, our friends, our bosses, siblings, enemies?) 

And guess what, all of us promised ourself to never end up there. 

Nobody ever wanted to end up there but well… at the end, most do - Why?


Well... Can you expect different things to happen when all you do is the same as  before? 

Can you expect people to stop war, when we teach our children that they get punished when they don't work the way we want them to? Or when we can't even reflect that the discomfort we feel in arguments is only our own insecurities being tackled when someone isn't sharing the same opinion as we do? 

Can we expect people to love each other when we can't even find empathy towards our so innocent fellow animals? 

Can you expect ending up on the streets of London when you only ever take the same train which to your small, safe neighborhood town? 

Can you expect not to end up like your neighbors or parents or whoever, who are miserable, when you follow what they do ?  

 

The only way to get somewhere you have never been before, is to do something you have never done before. 

 

For certain, one of my biggest fears in life always was to waste the incredible precious time here on earth which I got gifted with.

For that I got thinking from a young age… I got thinking:

How can I make my dreams become reality ?

And how am I going to end up being the most happy and fulfilled I can possibly be? 

 

There is a lot of ways to take this road, step by step. 

Let me tell you, it is the more exhausting, hard, sometimes frustrating, pretty scary, but also most happy, authentic and rewarding way of life (for me) I have ever heard of and could ever imagine! It is so worth it. 

I am blessed with a really special family and an amazing group of friends, who help me to push myself every single day.

I don't take any of that for granted and I understand that for others it might be not as easy to say to people: 

"Fuck it ! I am going to change everything! I am going to quit this boring job. I am going to move country. I am going to chase my dreams whatever it costs.“, when they haven’t had support or a reflected and free upbringing.

But thats ok. We all struggle with things. We all have our story to cary, but thats not an excuse. 

You are NOT a victim of your story, of your life,your parents, your past… when you don't condemn yourself to being one.  

Of course it is easy to be a victim, to not take responsibility for your life and everything else that has been happening within you, around you and has been brought to this world through you. Of course it is comfortable to feel sorry for yourself and pass on the responsibility to someone else for your feelings and actions, but don’t expect yourself going anywhere with that. Yeah, and that is exactly what I am talking about. 

 

Don’t waste your talents, passions, strengths etc. by being passive and not taking charge of your life! 

You freaking only have this one!  

If you need help, or support - let me be your friend. 

Write to me if you want, tell me what you are struggling with. (Insta message @PaulinelaPetite // pauline2010@gmx.de) 

I am not going to judge but to support you, and experience with you together what it means to actually live life. 

But please, go out there and make this life yours!

Own your life! 

Own your body! 

Own your voice ! 

Own your passions! 

Own your love, hobbies, crazy thoughts, compassion and individuality. 

 

I am so flipping fed up with seeing incredible people, infinite loving hearts, smart brains and huge talents just being wasted! 

Just being covered up and lost in structures, negative energy, unreal fears and this certain understanding of “safety". 

There always is a risk to take, but no one ever experienced…………

to read the full blogpost please head over to my own little loved blog

https://www.paulinelapetite.com/single-post/2017/09/01/START-LIVING-YOUR-PURPOSE

become part of this journey and get more information about yoga, my travels, my story, writing, poetry and more. 

all the love xx

 

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GROWING WITHIN THE CHAOS


The Antennae galaxies, a pair of interacting galaxies located 45 – 65 million light years from Earth.

The Antennae galaxies, a pair of interacting galaxies located 45 – 65 million light years from Earth.

Lately, I have been feeling as if I am in the middle of nowhere (which, certainly, we are). And for the first time in my life, I do not care. I decide to embrace uncertainty. To live with and within the chaos. To feel the dust of million stars which have collided together. Even if it hurts. Even if I don't understand it. Even if I feel lost.

For the first time in my life, I let go of expectations, judgment and fear. I choose this path in order to be completely free. Untethered. Unchained. Maybe even lazy and unbothered when it comes to society rules. For I am creating my own. And only those I will follow. Only in that way I can grow, blossom, be. Spread my light, unfold my wings, build and lift my dreams up. Only in that way I can expand myself, rise, ascend straight up as a rocket.

«You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star» said Nietzsche once.

Ergo, the world better be prepared. The world better be conscious about this seeming underdog that will change the world someday. For this woman will give birth to an extraordinary dancing galaxy on her own by virtue of this chaos which will become art one day. This chaos shall pass too. This is where my demons are, not where my heart and passion will be.

Carry on, my dear soul. We will flow again. ✨☄💙💫

@untetheredmermaid

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A LETTER FOR JANUARY


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A soft stream of light escaping through the blind, the blue, cold sun ray resting onto every surface, illuminating the room. January. Month of determination, of procrastination, of biting frost and biting words, belittling yourself; knowing you can do better, can be better. The months of good intentions, intentions that can so easily be taken wayward; manifesting into destructive, unhealthy thoughts and routines, inflicting pain and insecurity and a lack of self-worth.

You deserve for your resolutions to manifest from those seeds you have planted deep within your mind, for them to flourish and grow, intertwined with your mind out into your physical life. Be conscious of those toxic seeds that you know could so easily become ingrained, poisoning your actions with superficial, detrimental thoughts. You are not a robot; you do not need fixed or changed. You are seeking growth, expansion, inner peace, and most importantly, self-love. Eat healthily because you feel good doing so, with the intention of fuelling yourself in the best way possible, not because you want to change the way you see yourself in the mirror. Exercise because you love the activity, because you love the way the adrenaline and endorphins run through your veins - not because of the guilt that would seep through them instead. Not because of the voices in your mind making you feel bad for indulging or for that number on the scale or for the fat that you pinch every time you look in the mirror. Focus your thoughts and your energy on your long-term goals. Get that dream job, raise a family, travel the world. Realise that none of them have anything to do with your image or your weight, and how achieving ‘the perfect body’  or those superficial goals won’t help you achieve them in turn. The perfect body is not defined by body fat percentage, by muscle mass, by the abs visible, by the clothing size. It is one that is nourished and fueled and indulged and moved and stretched; one that explores and dances and hugs and laughs and cries. A perfect body is one that is loved by the mind.

 

@thehippychickpea

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ocean of tears


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Tears were streaming down my face, creating a foolish river with no clear start or end. I thought to myself: why am I sad? I paused. Listened. I couldn't hear. I couldn't feel anything in my body. Nothing. My cells were numb, silent. Empty. 

 

I was crying from a place of emptiness. A void in the heart was pouring out as water, leaving every hole vulnerable and weak. I found myself swimming in this ocean I had just created from nowhere, and, almost delusional, I started laughing at the controversy of life. 

 

I am happy, but at that moment I was crumbling down like a paper town hit by the rain. I thought for a second: something must be wrong. Nothing was. Just a moment of despair disguised as silence. And I was so empty. Happy, yet so empty. 

 

How funny. How funny is it that we have the power to feel, and create. How funny is it that we often just hide in the comfort of sadness, of happiness, of love. Not allowing ourselves to explore, to challenge our minds, and be fuelled. 

 

Feeling like you lost your soul, like you drifted away from your fingertips, is not loosing a war. It's exploring other battlegrounds. 

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LETTER TO MYSELF


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Foreword:

This letter is an insight into my personal journey of forgiving myself and learning to truly love the soul that is living inside my human suit. I am sharing this with you to inspire you, write a letter to yourself and forgive the most important person in your life - you.

A special friend told me some month ago when I was spilling my heart to him that I have to forgive myself. I need to forgive every person, but especially myself to truly find love and acceptance. 

I never doubted his words but it took me some more months to actually be able to forgive myself. 

But some days ago, I wrote this letter to myself. Sitting in the forest all by myself feeling so blessed and calm. 

I could say I forgive you and I love you to myself for the first time in my life, meaning it, and it was one of the most beautiful and releasing moments ever. I am incredibly blessed by a really special group of friends and an amazing family who pushes and guides me, I hope to be your friend and your family by sharing.

This letter is extremely personal and I know I make myself incredibly vulnerable sharing this. But my experience on this blog with all of you has been so deeply loving and caring that I have no fear and I really hope and want to help anyone out there to forgive themselves and make themselves free from all the pain and punishment. 

You have the birthright to be happy. 

You have the birthright to be free. 




Letter to myself : 

Dear you, 

Dear beautiful young woman, lost little girl and loved creature of this planet. 

I just wanted you to know... 

I forgive you and I love you. 

I forgive you for suppressing your true light for many years. 

I forgive you for being so filled and blinded by fear and doubts that you were never able to see your true beauty.

I forgive you for losing yourself in the external world and hurting yourself over and over and over again, by running after shallow sources of validation because you were too trapped to see this divine woman in yourself. 

I forgive you for hating your looks. 

I forgive you for all the harsh words you were saying to yourself.

I forgive you for all the punishments you were giving yourself. 

I forgive you for suppressing your feminine energy, for working against your true inner self and for pretending you were somebody you were not. 

I forgive you for pushing away people you love because of your numbness fed by fear. 

I forgive you for caging yourself away from love because fear was eating you up from the inside and you couldn’t let go of control. 

I forgive you, my girl. 

I forgive you for everything. 

Thank you. 

I LOVE YOU 

I love you for…..

to read the full blogpost please head over to my own little loved blog

 https://www.paulinelapetite.com/single-post/2017/06/07/LETTER-TO-MYSELF

become part of this journey and get more information about yoga, my travels, my story, writing, poetry and more. 

all the love xx

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Open your eyes


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"Open your eyes"
meaning

open your heart

soul
mind
body
senses.

Let it in.
Let it out.

Thrive on the rhythm of the heart.

We are made to wander.
We are made to explore.
We are made to just be.
Otherwise we'll suffocate to numbness.

So tear apart, cry, laugh, dance, be still, breathe, feel.
We are designed for that.

Don't be ashamed
of who you are.
Don't be fearful
of what will happen when you dive.

See through all those swirling waves.
Feel through.
Be through.

You. May. Be.

Let everything be your teacher.

Maybe you are taught something as you dig through superficialities:
the ego. Appearances.
Or maybe you are taught something as you grasp the unmanipulated reflections of what is, offering you a full spectrum of truthfulness and bliss:
mother nature
your root
your raw and pure source.

What is for sure
you can only truly 'see' if you look with the eyes of your endless being
you can only truly hear if you listen through the ears of this unrestrained soul.

Surrender to this limitless openess.
Observe from that place of awareness.
Allow to experience infinitely deep.

And hopefully you'll find out how change can be beauty.
How change means thriving. Means evolving. Flourishing. Expanding. Learning. Living.
Fall down, dive deep, jump high, frisk around, rise.

The key is
trust.

You are in good hands.
You are eternal.
You are love.

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Source: https://www.instagram.com/earthling_lily/

Finding Home on a Holy Island


***originally posted on inwonderlandaly.com***

Every colour on Patmos is of the deepest hue. All things here are authentic and truthful.
The walls are a white that cleanses your soul, the flowers a pink that brightens your heart, and the leaves a green that invigorates your spirit.  

Here our feet are always bare: feeling, discerning, understanding this land with our soles.
Here our skins are our clothes, darkening and healing under the warm, amber embrace of the sun’s rays.
Here our mouths rest peacefully in simple smiles on our faces like hammocks tied to dimples.

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This island is the beginning and the end of everything. It is now and only now. Its oceans move with a current of divinity from the core of the earth. Their waters are clear with a presence that washes away your past and your future.

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It is here that God uttered the words “I am the Alpha and the Omega” into existence. The beginning and the end meet in you and I. We are everything all at once and altogether nothing at all.

The Cave of The Apocalypse - here St. John received his visions and wrote the Book of Revelation, where he noted God saying "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."

The Cave of The Apocalypse - here St. John received his visions and wrote the Book of Revelation, where he noted God saying "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."

Smell it in the wild wind entangling your hair in salty, ocean laced breeze. See it in the fleeting shapes of sunlight cast on your skin through the swaying branches of the trees above. Feel it in the scratchy sand clinging to your toes, grounding you. Taste it in the vulnerability of the fresh, ripe fruit, mature but easily bruised.  Hear it in the grand crash of the waves on the sand, humbly rolling from the belly of Poseidon, his gentle hand gliding out to reach you on the shore. Remember this in every sunset and every sunrise. Whilst we whisper “goodnight” on this island, others elsewhere croak “goodmorning”. For every sun, a moon. For every night, a day. For every death, a birth.

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In this powerful presence love is magnified. Laughs hang suspended in the air for a few moments before dissolving. Hugs are held onto a few seconds longer. Everything is purposeful and beautiful. Friends become sisters. We run into the sunset to thank the universe for this great, big life. For each other. For the incidences of divine intervention that brought us all to this moment. Light floods over each of our bodies and fills us from the inside out.

We are together.

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We are whole.

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We are home.

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Source: inwonderlandaly.com

The Goddess Within


Self-portrait. Kind of. 🌹✨

Self-portrait. Kind of. 🌹✨

When I saw this picture,

I don't know why,

but I saw myself in this goddess that appears out of nowhere.

And I hope you do too. 

 

She has fire within herself.

She has power.

She has just finished her journey.

She was on the same path where we all are right now, although sometimes she had doubts too.

That was her human part governing over the goddess one.

She was in front of a lot of uncertainty that overwhelmed her at times, yet she felt she was going home so she fought and continued walking.

She felt it all at once yet she managed to overcome everything.

She demonstrated why she was chosen to free herself and become the perfect goddess she is right now. ☄️

 

She is you.

You are me.

I am us.

We all are the same.

We all are healing along with her.

We all are walking home... 🌱❤️

 

This is just the beginning, but she is waiting for us at the finish line.

So persist and fight.

We are going to win this run. 🕉🖖🏻

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