Uncovering the Key to Happiness


 

Hello my loves. I hope you still remember me. I haven't posted anything for such a long time.

And I would like to start by, not even apologising, but explaining this.
I want to explore the emotions I have been navigating recently and share my discoveries with you.

I felt like everything that i feel, that i write, that i think is not good enough to write here. Like everybody around me is more creative, has a more interesting life and posting anything here is just a waste of time. I also thought my English was not good enough. But all the comments and messages i got on Instagram (where i also wasn't as active as i was few weeks ago) surprised me. I've seen some people really like what i write, like my photos. And their kind and warm words made me feel longing for this whole "Internet world".

The next reason why i had little absence is the end of the school year. After holidays I'm going to a new school where i know almost nobody. Going to a new school is pretty exciting, especially for such a sociable human like me, but also really nostalgic. I have always dreamt about freedom, making decisions and being adult, but really becoming adult is something different. And to be honest i am scared. Excited, but scared too.

And I think the last reason is my school exchange to Ukraine and when students from Lviv came to us. Both exchanges were very emotional for me, specially this last one. Exchanges have been most beautiful things during those three years of "gimnazjum" (highschool). I fell in love with Ukraine and Ukrainians again.I felt I was with my best friends, meeting people from other countries, seeing another culture. And suddenly I lost it. I was sad, frustrated and even angry. For me it was impossible to write about good and  positive vibes when I wasn't feeling them.

It's unbelievable how I have changed during these three years. Honestly, I am proud of this. I think the biggest change is that I stopped waiting and running for happiness. I understood that the key to happiness is appreciation. Little and big things. Seeing beauty in as many things, humans, situations as possible. Doesn't matter if it's morning yoga or time with friends or a big trip abroad. Life is an amalgamation of better and worse moments. We couldn't appreciate light without dark. Being happy is creating beautiful moments. As many as possible

Appreciation. This is my key to happiness.

Love u,
Zuzia


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GOOD ENOUGH?


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ever since I can remember, I have based my value on marks, on grades, on percentages

on sheets of white paper with black, standardized text, asking standardized questions 

questions that mould intelligence, creativity, individuality of a beautiful child’s mind into a numerical value

a score out of 100

a red-biro fraction in a red-biro circle inked in the top right-hand corner.

that ink seeps into my skin, is etched into my soul; carving out what it means to be liked, to be successful, to be worthy,

worthy of love

worthy of being far, far away from that fear of failure and all that we are told comes with it;

worthy of holidays, of a nice house, of presents at christmas

things us children are told come hand-in-hand with ‘financial security’, with ‘a stable career’

with money

with happiness.

 

but now I am not a child, and I know that this simple equation is not all it seems

although I will never forget that my one ‘B’ grade in an ocean of sparkling ‘A’s’ was in maths

I still can believe my less than satisfactory brain when I think

that this mathematical equation is one that is,

in fact,

incorrect.

a subtracted mark from that all important score

a mark I would agonize over; would question teachers about 

never feeling satisfied

never feeling proud

never feeling quite good enough.

 

and as a girl becomes a woman

it is too easy to fall into into another trap society has set 

placing self-worth on the external 

placing self-worth on our image or on our ‘health’

where in reality as our physical health maybe momentarily increases

our mental health steadily dwindles.

there was a day when i looked into the mirror to see the progress of my teeth growing in 

not the progress of my ‘abs’ as a marker of my ‘fitness’

a day when we were told our ‘bottoms were a seat’ and not a marker of attractiveness

of admiration

of envy

a day when we did not know beauty was linked to an image of a ‘perfect’ female form.

 

the word anxiety creeps its way through an innocent child’s skin

red ink, swirling, into my bloodstream

and settling

deep in my stomach

wrapping one arm around the space that once, I trusted 

a space that so effortlessly nourished and cared for me

and the other arm around my mind

it’s fingers skillfully placing a tint over my eyes

undetectable

making me see life through glasses of fear

of hate

of insecurity 

before closing it’s arms together, in a toxic embrace

forming a link between my worth and what I choose to enter this area of my body

or what I choose not to

creating irrational fears that see-saw from being so obsessed with health

wanting to improve

wanting to be better

to not feeling worthy of the money that nourishment costs

hidden behind the frugality of a loan-dependent student 

to not feeling worthy of nourishment unless, maybe, if following certain rules

because following rules is a perfectly measured recipe that bakes a sugar-free, fat-free cake of success

 

a see-saw between the achievement of being so clean, so pure

and the achievement of being empty and thriving

a see-saw between the fear of never reaching my best self

and the feeling 

of not having one

 

because if even if that red ink writes 100/100 

like it has on occasion for now-trivial past achievements

 

even if i rebuild my outer shell that has shrunken in the laundry

as my self-esteem was washed away with the suds of perceived ’imperfection’

 

even if what i see in the mirror does finally satisfy me, even with a number on the scale that does not inflict worry or concern

 

even if the red ink completes that circle

once again encompassing my worth and compacting it into the top right hand corner of a piece of paper i’ll never see again

 

would I then be freed from this never-ending cycle that society has created?

these expectations, ideals

images

the fears that almost are ingrained into our genetic makeup

 

the circle of the grade

the circle of the percentage

the circle of my stomach

the circles of my eyes

the circulating thoughts in my mind

 

maybe then

I would feel

good enough.

 

 

 

 

 

- Alexandra Murray-Reynolds (@thehippychickpea)

find more at thehippychickpea.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How I Make The Present Moment Home


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The first time I ever really thought about the idea of “living in the moment” was when I stumbled across the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I feel like I heard people say this all the time, and maybe I even said it all the time without ever stopping to think about what it truly meant. This book was in such great and beautiful detail that I truly started to take in the words. I was moved. I started to think about why I would really want to live any other way. Of course I am human, and will have moments where I slip up. That is perfectly okay, and I believe that it's important to forgive myself and accept those moments. When I start to really feel what it's like to live in the here and now it transforms my point of view on life.

 

Living in the moment strips away worry. When I discovered that the only thing that truly exists is this moment I stopped stressing about the future, because I realized the future doesn't even exist yet. Why worry about something that is non existent? I do believe there is power in planning for the future, having goals and dreams and working toward reaching them. Now I realize that I can be content with the present while also working toward my dreams. Along with eliminating stress about the future, living in the moment also removed any depression I may have felt about the past. I was able to finally let go of pain and suffering that I was holding onto so tightly without even knowing it. I let go of things that I was clinging to and things I had buried for so long. None of that mattered when I felt like I was being present.

 

I have my own routines that help me return to that inner stillness, and what helps you may be different. But I wanted to share my experiences with you in hopes that someone can possibly relate.

 

1. Meditate – So I absolutely understand that sometimes meditating is hard and intimidating at first because we are trained to have our brains constantly going, all day every day. For me what helped was learning how to do it a little at a time. I remember only being able to make it 2 minutes before I had to stop. Now I have some days where I am able to make it 30 to 40 minutes. And still some days where I can only make it 2! Each day is different, but so worth reaching that place of being.

 

2. Yoga – For me yoga was much like meditating, I didn't really understand it and I could only make it a few minutes at a time before I would stop. Now I stretch out in a class full of people for over an hour! Nothing happens over night. The breathing and poses I learn to hold in yoga focus my brain to the present moment and it calms my mind, allowing me to relax and just be. It's also amazing for our health! It increases our blood flow, drops blood pressure, maintains our nervous system, and is literally scientifically proven to make us happier! It was worth it for me to give it a try and truly feel the difference after class.

 

3. Writing – So this is specific to me, not everyone's main passion is writing. Some people place their passion in painting, singing, dancing, the list goes on and on. It is beautiful how many different kinds of art humans can create. I urge you to find whatever artistic outlet you need personally and open your heart up to it. I found ways to let so much negativity go through writing. Sometimes my pen hits the paper and it's like my soul is being spilled out through the letters, and you guys understand it! What a beautiful way to let out your worries.

 

4. Spend quality time with people who matter to me – I still have moments where I feel like retreating and shutting people out on days where my spirit feels drained. It feels like human connection isn't even attainable when I am feeling this way. I am learning now that when I feel that way, it is just another moment I am experiencing. I know that I will eventually come into another moment where I want to be surrounded by all my wonderful family and friends. When I experience the company of those that are close to my heart I feel content. I don't want the moment to end and I am taking in each part of it. Each instant is held onto and I feel present. I am learning appreciation for all the beautiful souls I get to share this life time with.

 

There are so many different ways we can get back to that inner stillness. After we practice this we become more of the person that we are meant to be. I encourage you to soul search until you reach what you need personally to reach this state of contentment. I promise it's worth it.

 

Thank you. I love and appreciate each and every one of you.

 

Kindra Rae

@Kindrainwonderland

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Source: http://kindrarae.com

voices


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Uniqueness given but too insecure to discover it.

You are inferior, they said. Alone. Not enough.

My tries to adjust failed bitterly, my opinions tossed by winds and waves.

The illusion of earning my affection through meeting others expectations crushed me.

The voices became louder.

Pulling back from my outer world, trying to create a perfect one in my mind, didn't work.

All I felt was a crazy mess in my inside, growing bigger while my attempts to fight my way out of it failed.

All of it changed with a small whisper.

And as soon as I started listening, it became louder.

Louder than all the other voices. Louder than my own insecurities. With a mighty roar it silenced my storm.

One word and it was done.

Then gently and loving, it began to tell me who I really was, who I really am.

Loved.

Accepted.

Beautiful.

Art.

Uniquely created to represent the One who created me.

My thoughts began to untangle, my heart to heal. Slowly discovering the world inside of me through the eyes of the Artist.

My true self is what I found.

My true self is what I find.

The start of a lifelong journey.

I fell in love with it.

He has started and we will continue.

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I AM MORE - YOU ARE NOT THIS BODY


MY Body is my Home. But I AM NOT THIS BODY. 

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I am not this body. 

I am so much more. 

And so.. Are You! 

 

When I was in Corsica, I took some major steps towards all of the realizations I am going to talk about now. 

I realised.. I am not this body. 

My, and your, body is the home of a soul. 

It is the vehicle for you to wander through  this life. 

It is the magical tool to let your soul experience smells, sounds, colours, touches etc.. 

But you are not your body. 

I say it again.. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE.

 

It is nearly sad how it took me 20 years to start honestly freeing myself from the thinking that I am this skin. 

That my face is me. That all that matters and that  I have got on this planet are these forms and physicalities. 

Wow.. and then I realized how wrong I was. 

My body is the temple of my soul. And so are yours. 

Inside this magically functioning cave of small particles, wich  perfectly found together, sits this endless and glowing soul which cant be defined by labels. 

 

Our focus is so manipulated by too many things. Our brain is so twisted and focused on the things we can see but… Do you really only want to be this body, when you can be so much more? 

Do I want to be only this body ? 

 

When I  started realizing that ME is not what I can see in the mirror. That my worth has nothing to do with my weight. That my beauty is not measurable by societies standarts. 

I am the light inside my soul, the small sparkles the universe gave to me. 

My worth is not countable, because it is unquestionable. 

I am beautiful, because I decide to be. 

And then…. The second you realize.. pressure drops from your shoulders and your prison not longer holds you back. 

 

For way too long I suppressed my inner light. I was so caught up in „serving" only this physical image and only pushing more and more and more to somehow maintain what I thought defined my worth. 

I caged this beautiful little girl inside myself in a dark place. There was no space for weakness. 

There was no space for diversity. 

There was no energy for creativity. 

There was no room to test who I want to be. I did so much harm on my soul. I didn’t realize how my eyes weren't shining and all this LOVE I carry in my heart couldn't find its way in this world, because I was too obsessed curving and shaping my body into these unrealistic shapes and states. 

I nearly sacrificed my health. (to be specific I completely messed up my digestive system and I lost my period for over two years)

I knew something was wrong. I knew this wasn't right and this wasn't sustainable. But I was too scared to chose my health, to chose healing and giving my body what it needed.

Why? Because I really believed that this body is me. I truly believed in what society tells us day by day. 

That all we have to offer to this world is only this little of a body. I lost (and lose) myself in what society tells us everyday, I get caught up in glittering worlds of social media. But all of that is not real. It is not real. I was wrong.  

Ooh GIRL. I was wrong.. 

Now when I started to chose…..

to read the full blogpost please head over to my own little loved Blog

https://www.paulinelapetite.com/single-post/2017/05/21/I-am-MORE 

become part of this journey and get more information about yoga, my travels, my story, writing, poetry and more. 

all the love xx

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START LIVING YOUR PURPOSE


Hello. I want to tell you...

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I wholeheartedly believe that every single creature on this earth got offered this life for a reason. 

I believe that me, you and everyone else out there is here for a specific task or lesson. 

I believe that everyone is worth the best and has the birthright to be happy and free. 

But sadly, every single day I witness people giving away their potential, pushing themselves down, losing themselves or drowning their inner drive and light, because they let fear, doubts and negative feelings take over their life and control their ability to live their passions, dreams and strenghts. 

They decide to cancel their dreams and work against their true self, because someone told them to, because our minds got programmed and structured to think a certain way, to only believe in one reality and be controlled by society's standards of fear and uncertainty.  We become victims of our own mind structures because we stop questioning what we are told and only believe in this one way of receiving the world. 

At some point in life, most of us end up at the same point we have seen many people reach before. (Our parents, our friends, our bosses, siblings, enemies?) 

And guess what, all of us promised ourself to never end up there. 

Nobody ever wanted to end up there but well… at the end, most do - Why?


Well... Can you expect different things to happen when all you do is the same as  before? 

Can you expect people to stop war, when we teach our children that they get punished when they don't work the way we want them to? Or when we can't even reflect that the discomfort we feel in arguments is only our own insecurities being tackled when someone isn't sharing the same opinion as we do? 

Can we expect people to love each other when we can't even find empathy towards our so innocent fellow animals? 

Can you expect ending up on the streets of London when you only ever take the same train which to your small, safe neighborhood town? 

Can you expect not to end up like your neighbors or parents or whoever, who are miserable, when you follow what they do ?  

 

The only way to get somewhere you have never been before, is to do something you have never done before. 

 

For certain, one of my biggest fears in life always was to waste the incredible precious time here on earth which I got gifted with.

For that I got thinking from a young age… I got thinking:

How can I make my dreams become reality ?

And how am I going to end up being the most happy and fulfilled I can possibly be? 

 

There is a lot of ways to take this road, step by step. 

Let me tell you, it is the more exhausting, hard, sometimes frustrating, pretty scary, but also most happy, authentic and rewarding way of life (for me) I have ever heard of and could ever imagine! It is so worth it. 

I am blessed with a really special family and an amazing group of friends, who help me to push myself every single day.

I don't take any of that for granted and I understand that for others it might be not as easy to say to people: 

"Fuck it ! I am going to change everything! I am going to quit this boring job. I am going to move country. I am going to chase my dreams whatever it costs.“, when they haven’t had support or a reflected and free upbringing.

But thats ok. We all struggle with things. We all have our story to cary, but thats not an excuse. 

You are NOT a victim of your story, of your life,your parents, your past… when you don't condemn yourself to being one.  

Of course it is easy to be a victim, to not take responsibility for your life and everything else that has been happening within you, around you and has been brought to this world through you. Of course it is comfortable to feel sorry for yourself and pass on the responsibility to someone else for your feelings and actions, but don’t expect yourself going anywhere with that. Yeah, and that is exactly what I am talking about. 

 

Don’t waste your talents, passions, strengths etc. by being passive and not taking charge of your life! 

You freaking only have this one!  

If you need help, or support - let me be your friend. 

Write to me if you want, tell me what you are struggling with. (Insta message @PaulinelaPetite // pauline2010@gmx.de) 

I am not going to judge but to support you, and experience with you together what it means to actually live life. 

But please, go out there and make this life yours!

Own your life! 

Own your body! 

Own your voice ! 

Own your passions! 

Own your love, hobbies, crazy thoughts, compassion and individuality. 

 

I am so flipping fed up with seeing incredible people, infinite loving hearts, smart brains and huge talents just being wasted! 

Just being covered up and lost in structures, negative energy, unreal fears and this certain understanding of “safety". 

There always is a risk to take, but no one ever experienced…………

to read the full blogpost please head over to my own little loved blog

https://www.paulinelapetite.com/single-post/2017/09/01/START-LIVING-YOUR-PURPOSE

become part of this journey and get more information about yoga, my travels, my story, writing, poetry and more. 

all the love xx

 

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